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Much ado about Jessica (via @JBDuRoneTB)

My love/hate relationship with Alan Ball has several chapters. It’s actually a hate/love/hate relationship, which I’m certain he is very upset about.

Today’s Alan Ball rant? Jessica.

I think he did an amazing thing by creating Jessica. As you book readers know, she is not canon and is unique to True Blood. When she was introduced, I applauded the concept and eagerly waited for the unfolding of her story line.

It was entertaining to see Bill shuffle her off to Eric and Pam. And equally entertaining to them shuffle her back. Her dead trucker disposal problems (complete with chain saw rental) was hilarious. I liked her being a waitress and Merlottes and revealing Arlene’s bias against vamps.

Her relationship with Hoyt was cute though the end of Season 3. So what if Summer makes a mean biscuit? She’s got nothing on what Jessica has cooking in her oven!

However, I refuse to see Jessica as one of the desirables on True Blood. She’s eternally 17 and therefore off the menu. I have a fatherly or big-brotherly perspective of Jessica. That being said, I recognize her beauty and appeal to those who see her as a desirable; she is statuesque, with stunning coloring.

That’s the love, now the hate;

AB took a page from “Lost” with certain expects of Jessica. What became of her pesky healing hymen? Why was there a doll in the house she shared with Hoyt at the end of Season 3? How has Maxine Fortenberry left them alone? Bon Temps is a small town – Maxine should be all in their business.

Season 4 was the worst for Jessica. I get that her relationship with Hoyt was falling apart. But to fall for Jason Stackhouse? As part of that awful Hot Shot storyline? Puh-lease!

I thought her being part of the Vamp-Matrix hit squad against the witches was out of place, too. Nothing we’ve seen about her character leads us to think she was that much of a bad ass. I’m not saying she couldn’t do it, I’m saying it was out of her character. How is it Eric and Bill had confidence in her during battle? She’s a young, inexperienced and immature Vamp – not the sort of person I would choose for that situation.

Sadly… I have no interest now in what becomes of Jessica in Season 5. The way her character was written in Season 4 has made it a dead end for me. Jessica needs to take a trip to New Orleans like Tara did or some other self-awareness odyssey to rein in my interest.

And no, for Gods sake, I do NOT want to see her naked! I’m no pedophile

*Bonus random thought from the mind of the Dude; why are there no Vamp Ninjas? A Vamp Ninja should be able to bitch slap Russell Eddington, no matter how old (young he is). Or, let’s have Bruce Lee show up as a Vamp, a la Bubba. I can sleep better tonight now that I’ve got that off my chest.

via Much ado about Jessica.

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